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Thursday 31 July 2008 12:13 just finish reading my friend's blog...why is life so unfair when one side is living happily and another side not?why?a lot of why but there is no solutions..i hate it..for the past week, i think i was just a living skeleton..my heart seems to die and everything doesn't really concern me now..i have been dead from the 19th july and i think will be dead forever till my life is being lighted up again..i have been giving everything that kind of heck care attitude..to everything..studies,people,everything..i mean i know that these people doesn't earn this kind of fcuking attitude from me..but i dunno why i am just irritated at the slightest thing every now and then.i really think that i am now a very fcuking person who only deserve to just die off with no one's concern.it is really very difficult to put a big grin on my face when i am not happy at all..why?why izzit that i need to lead such a life as in to put on a smile when i am not even happy?i am disappointed with nothing now but myself.i hate myself to the core.i want God's presence..i really cannot feel Him..i feel that i am just a christian in vain.just a title of a christian but not having a christian life..i wish to talk to God.but i can't.i dunno why.seems like i have lost interest in everything around me.i am dead.ya i am not but my heart is..harden.but who really understand?no one..who will understand what i feel?maybe just telling me to chill,relax,or anything..forget the past?is it so easy?i really cannot do it..it is easier said that done..but who can help me?no one?not even a single person is of help to me now.i knew nothing now but to piss others off with my fcuking attitude.i flunk my studies..i cant do anything corectly..i want peace in you.and in _ _ _ _ _ _...i just look as if i am transparent..how i wish i can dun attend..i really hate it..i hate to go _ _ _ _ _ _..i dun want my life to be like this..ya..i wish that God can sent me a mentor to overlook my life..but who?no one?people that i have looked for?no..they arent caring about me so much?and i dunno how to talk to people that i am not close about my problems.but who understand?no one will ever..how i wish this mentor can appear in front of me..to lead me back into the path of God..but is it so easy to look for one?the answer is no..i know nothing but to piss people off..nothing else..i am really tired..not physically..but mentally and spiritually..i am really tired..i wish to think of nothing now..
Wednesday 2 July 2008 14:48 thank God for yesterday and today..hahaha..God is great and He is good all the time!woohoo.yesterday was quite ok lah..in school.hmm..did not sleep so much in class..so thank God.haha..not so sleepy..oh ya..and passed my a-maths refresher test..not very good..only 25/40..but will work harder..then after school went to e-hub with clar and renee..went to buy yogurt with them then zeming came and called me..something liddat lah..then loitered around e-hub for about 5 whole hours..then met sun mei jie then go num..to buy my sandals actually..but in the end bought a pair of flipflops..thanks to this person for choosing and paying in advance for me..lols..(cannot say out everything)..then was like..thank God lah..sun mei jie go meet me despite being quite tired..was really happy to have that pair of flipflops..i think will treasure till siao..so ex sia..haha..very happy lah.. then today..another best day..today seems to be a good day to EVERYONE!so hereby name today: 01/07/08, as the HAPPY DAY!haha..is like today got some hong kongers came our school for exchange programme..mr yap was chosen to demostrate how he conduct his lesson to the hk ppl..then he chose our class to be represented with him..had a wonderful physics lesson today..with laptops around..is like WOW.never once happened before..ok..was attached to two hk 'friends'..they are quite nice chaps..oh..they are guys..but when they are leaving the class..both of them specially gave the 4 of us(jonathan,jun wei,yeow teng and me)each 2 pairs of chopsticks..lols..air-flown one wor..was happy for this funny reason..because of 4 chopsticks..then jon gave me one pair hence..i had 3 pairs of chopsticks..then was english lesson..knew our results for english refresher test.9.5/25..failed and had to go to ICU..but this did not dampen my spirit for the day!thank God..oh..the last period was bioogy..got back my result for the refresher test..ms rathi and everyone was surprised including me..i was the top scorer for the paper in the class..48/50..unbelievable!i mean like when she was going through the questions for the refresher test..i was sleeping in class like a pig..so is like..thank God lah..in us nothing is possible..but in God everything is possible..haha..(not encouraging you to not study and sleep like i do)..haha..then ended school..hmm..went to cz for the e-star programme..and miracles happened..we are preparing for the obstcle race for the pupils but it suddenly rained..everyone panicked..then we started praying..and the rain just stopped suddenly..God is wonderful..He is a God who listens to prayer..so pray to Him..lols..today is counted as my first day attending the whole course..hahha..happy!then went mac to eat dinner with jie..break fast le..for the 40 days fast..did not eat breakfast and lunch..haha..all in all..had a good day today all thanks to my Almighty Father in heaven(: |
