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Saturday 23 August 2008 14:50
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
Friday 22 August 2008 14:09
hmm..ya..leaving seems to be the best choice now..wasnt having a great day today but still wanted to care about people around me and yet this is what i get back..nvm..maybe i am just into something that i should not be in..ya..but i still thank God for this sister that cares about me..talked to me..ya..on my journey back home..listening to some christian songs..the moment i closed my eyes.i see myself kneeling on the floor praying hard to God and crying..i was alone.all alone.in the darkness..without anyone.ya.i think this is what i am going through now?haha..anyway..though it wasnt a great day in sch with my head rolling off anytime my neck..i must still praise God for all these..i think i am now not so longing to have sisters and brothers around me.they dun seems to be my world anymore.thank God that i can really change this thinking which makes me make a decision so fast.not so indecisive anymore.haha..thank God..i have been wondering..i think that i am getting along with my classmates now..can see that the class is so much more bonded now..haha..a good sign..and ya..i seems to be part of the Home for Disabled cause i dunno why that i miraculously communicated very well with the people there..after going there.i think that hey actually it wasnt a bad thing to be disabled.when i saw them.though they are grown ups..but they are like kids..so innocent and so pure to things around them.God.i thank You for letting me go to the place.to be truthful..i think i found happiness there..haha..not a bad thing afterall(:
and this is to whom it may concern.you will know if i am talking to you.
sorry but i think that i still cannot take up this position or maybe i am not even suited to do things like this.haha..sorry sis..i think that i wont give it a try..haha..ya..so i wont be attending the meeting this sat..sorry..i dun even think that i have this kind of capability to do things like this.so ya.sorry once again..and to the new people.hey..do a great job and strive hard for a better Sunshine.you know what i mean.
God i pray that You look after the cell..use Your mighty hands to cover the cell.let Your spirit filled every members of the cell..let not the devils near anyone from the cell..let the cell grow..grow into something big and that it will glorify Your mighty name.Your precious blood overflows into their hearts.oh Lord..let the heavenly peace from You be filled into them.please look after the cell Lord.i pray all this in Jesus most Precious name,Amen
Tuesday 19 August 2008 15:21
'Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritually, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure;vthen peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.' ~James 3:13-18
i came to know of these verses through a brother's sharing.i was in the soundroom yesterday sharing some problems with him when he shared these verses with me..i dont know why went he read these verses..tears started filling my eyes..i was really touched by these verses..in verse 15,the word wisdom is being 'highlighted'..this brother's sharing with me about this "wisdom" word appearing in such a way really made me though of a lot of things..we as humans always wanted the wrong wisdom..the WRONG WISDOM..ya..wisdom is really something that God gave it to us and something that people cant take it away..we should the more treasure it right?it really made me think of a lot of things..relationships,friendships,a lot more..i think i had been putting in the wrong wisdom for such a long time..it's time for a change..a heavenly wisdom..which is really now my goal..something pure and peace-loving..that's what we guys should be wanting instead of the "wisdom" that we been having..ya..that's what i think of yesterday..and ya..God loves me so much..more than anything..so the more i shoudnt do things that displease God..i really want to feel the God presence again..to be someone worth the title of a christian..the high sensitivity to God..the one who will influence others in a good way that pleases God..ya..i can do it..God You forgive me of all my sins and i will be a new person in You..focus more on You as i think i had been focusing a lot on people around me..especially those who has great influence on me..ya..nonono..God is more important..was comforted by the brothers/sisters being there for me yesterday..thanks.and ya..a brother saw me drying my tears in the soundroom then he came in and gave me a hug..ok..that really touches me..it seems to be from God and it filled up the empty spaces in my heart for that very moment..thanks..was really happy yesterday lah..after letting out my feelings..and someone funny keep asking me to cheer up..lols..haha..then one sis is like you ok mah..you ok mah..haha..God is really good to send these people to me when i need help everytime..thanks You God!
was sunmei jie's birthday yesterday..so sorry to her..her birthday yet she still like cared so much for me when she could have fun outside with the others..ok..was an invited guest to her mini celebration in church..haha..and the cool part is..fancy her having two cakes both from emicakes..haha so nice..coincidence..haha..then after that was stoning in church till dance end..ok..played citadel in between..i won..haha..first time sia..anyhow play also win..want to buy a set of citadel now..haha..nice game..ok..after that went to suntec with a few of my friends..michelle, shuiting, etc...had a great time eating..haha.."EATING BEATS EVERYTHING"..a 'motto' shared by a lot of people i know..haha..and went to catch a movie..Journey to the Center of the Earth..ok.. a nice movie which i had already watched it once..so same old thing..slept halfway during the movie..a waste of money..after the show already quite late le..went to shuiting's house there got pasar malam..to buy food..haha..then went home..on the way talked a lot with michelle..haha..and also bought something for jie..michelle and me like siao in the bus..keep updating one another on the table tennis match..i think the person in front of us is on the verge of going crazy..haha..
today was a dumbo day..ok..something really funny happened..during Bio SPA lesson..Jasmine did something that no one will ever think of..cause we were supposed to boil some water in a beaker..but to pace up things..we always get some hot water from a big thermo flask..then we will place the beaker into a small plastic container then it will be easier for us to bring it back to our desk..then this funny friend of mind..dont know what she was thinking..put the whole thing on the tripod stand..then just light the bunsen burner and "boil" the water..ok..she did not notice it until someone told her..lols..wah..she really is the 3D..lols..then teacher like scold scold scold..lols..but was really funny..then after school walked to whitesands with clar and both of us had this craze over donuts and we decided to buy donuts..waste money..i must say that the donuts are quite nice..but not the best..haha..
it has been a month...
Tuesday 12 August 2008 13:12
today was a good day..ya..a REAL happy moment?ya..ok..it should started with yesterday..hui2 jie returned..2tings and me did some food for her..ya..then we played prank on her..ok..a very sad prank whereas i acted that i am very sad..crying by the beach..blah blah blah..i mean it is a prank by i really felt like crying..so much..though it was just acting..but i was really touched by how she was concerned about me..ok..then i dunno why..i think that ya..maybe should not be too close with the girls..and i am sort of sadden lah..dead for second time?ok..let's not talk about unhappy things..some happy things worth remembering..so today went to keith ge's hse in the morning for the collection thing..etc..still thought that i was late..then in the end..all still in bed..zzz..but i dun blame them..so late then sleep..lols..ok..but after i went then liyao arrived not long ago then everyone started chionging with a bit of slacking..dunno how to say..in between...i listened to the song 'ye he hua cao jin shang xin de ren' then i cried..kept thinking about being dead for the second time and ya..alot of things lah..but wasn't found out..thank God..ok..then went out and everything went smoothly..with jokes..etc in between...so ya..was sad lah..only when one of them asked 'weicong..who you like?'which i emo a bit lah..i admit that i still cannot forget her..ya..but other then that..everything was nice..actually need to stay in church to paste tins de..for flag days..but in the end..went out with those big brothers to buy some stuff..using excuses like oh..'weicong need to learn how to handle pa after the army guys leave'lols....haha..i like this kind of sessions..sort of guys talk?it was real good lah..looking forward to these kind of sessions..haha..ya..oh..i found out that i can carry HEAVY "things"..haha..firstly is zeming..secondly..keith..but if keith+zeming=die..haha..nothing to be proud of but i so weak..so is already a wow..hmm..inspired by them when they talked about sports?lols..so into sports now..sort of 'into'..oh ya..another good news..GOT A NEW TEACHER!francis..he told me he going to give me vocal training after i finished my drum lessons..hahahahahahahha..seem to be nearing my dreams!
Monday 4 August 2008 15:41
today woke up at 7.30 then prepared fruits for the fruitty weekend day 3..haiz..prepared 9 fruits in total..then is like already 8.50 le..damm late..then ya..ask mum to drive me to church..then she crap lah..go wake my father up then he take his own sweet time in the whole world like no one's business..is like ..I AM LATE WHY NEED TO WAKE HIM UP?ok..nvm..sort of pissed by him but cooled..then go church..everything's fine..ok..in between emoing then went to staircase to think about things.then ok le..then listen to the sermon..but like till the end..传道 was like.."我们在这位姐妹回天家前去探望她"..something liddat..is like wth lah..say till like what sia..but i wish to visit this auntie in my church..her motherly look has left a deep impression in my heart though i only see her one time..though she cannot really walk..but is like can see the passion she has for Christ..greater than some of us..but she went for operation then ya..hospitalized..God..You really help her Yourself in Your own wonderful ways..let her feel Your spiritual presence..and help her overcome the obstacle she has in mind..in Jesus most precious name i pray.Amen.ok..went out with shuiting,michelle,shuilin and jin hao..went suntec and shop around..was great.have quite a good time with them doing some window shopping and food...was quie a good bonding time lah..ya..and now..biggest dream is just in front of me..pray for me..i think is crucial..it is maybe the turning point of my life..and also thank God that i suggested something for cell outing and was taken into consideration..thank God that i felt that i am still being "noticed" as a human.
Sunday 3 August 2008 15:37
today was a day that i think is better then others lah..this bit of better..ok when to buy fruits in the morning..cause now every weekend is the P.C. company fruitty weekend..ya..maybe i am doing all this to distract my own thinking?maybe.then cut alot of fruits at home then bring church..to share with the 2 tings..brought like 7 kinds of fruits there?ya..that's my lunch..then ok..i dunno why started getting pissed because my friend was late for worship prac..it was just a minor thing but i dunno why pissed..then ok..tried my best to cool down..but after that cannot find song sheets then pissed off again..then someone still joke with me.damm pissed lah..then words..blah blah blah..had good fellowship with those guys just now..then stay at ziting's hse then reached home at about 10..3 weeks had passed..but i know it clearly that i still cannot forget her..i cannot get her off my mind..how i wish that i never did that 3 weeks ago..maybe this wouldnt have happened..but what can i say now?nothing..haiz..i am really stressed by all these..ya laughed alot just now..but izzit from my heart?i dun think so..i really cannot be happy now..ya..i appeared to be but am i?i really wish to not go _ _ _ _ _ _ but i cannot..things are not going the way i want..i can say nothing now but can anyone please be my mentor to look after this useless piece of junk?
Friday 1 August 2008 15:53
commendation day just now in school as i think is like i really put my whole heart into NP just reached home..hmm..God..what is going on with my life?i looked forward to the CCAle cause going to be road marshals for the day.ok..i am really becoming a good actor day by day..today appeared to be happy but i am not..ok..for NP..which totally freak me out..asked a junior to do something and she has the cheek to tell me that "jian jun sir never ask me to do"..wth..so what if i dun have the rank as high as jian jun?i am still a senior to you..then after that..another junior like really freak ppl out also..why are the sec 2 cadets like this?anywae..then because of some matter..i just walked out of the school..ya..i think should be because that i am already having alot of problems..then ya..i really could not take it just now..anyway..sorry yu cheng..if you happen to see my post..then went to meet my 2 friends..maybe wont be so close after today..ok..then went to one of their house..ok..ya..some shocking news..ok..was freaked out that this kind of people exist in this world..dunno lah..then something happened lah..ok..once more.. i had this thought again that i am transparent again..ya..i prayed for one of my friend..ya..i know i am very thick skinned..i know i cant but i still do it..i am really useless..knowing that i could not but still do it..silly right?ya..i think i have been living like this for so long le..just continue living this way..i have been lying to my own life for so long..when people are in the valley..people just leave you to die..who can really be trusted in this world?the wonderful brother that i yearn for?a close buddy who stays with me when i need he/she?no one?ya..there is..but not for me..how i wish is me..but do i even have this position to talk about friends?i dun think so..i am just a useless piece of junk that everyone hated..it is useless..nothing can change the fact now that i am already dead..dead from all this..i think i no longer have feelings..i am insensitive to people's feelings now..ya..i am so emotional every now and then..i am dead..my heart is dead..i am dead to the world,the surrounding,studies,friends..pointless to have a billion of listening ears now..when i needed you guys the most..where were you?i dunno where you were but i knew clearly that is not in my sight..you will only see people coming to you when you are in an awful state..but not a single person around when you needed them the most..to solve problems for you..ok..maybe it is only to me..cause i am useless..i deserve this kind of treatment by people around me..i am just hopeless now..nothing can change the fact.and i must apologize to people that i hurt alot..sorry jies...especially to st jie..sorry..please understand me..you will come to know it one day.
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It’s like the whole world stops to listen
weicong
19011993
mahabodhi
haisingcatholic
hscnpcc
encommunity :D
goh_wei_cong_93@hotmail.com
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And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
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Saturday 23 August 2008 14:50
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
Friday 22 August 2008 14:09
hmm..ya..leaving seems to be the best choice now..wasnt having a great day today but still wanted to care about people around me and yet this is what i get back..nvm..maybe i am just into something that i should not be in..ya..but i still thank God for this sister that cares about me..talked to me..ya..on my journey back home..listening to some christian songs..the moment i closed my eyes.i see myself kneeling on the floor praying hard to God and crying..i was alone.all alone.in the darkness..without anyone.ya.i think this is what i am going through now?haha..anyway..though it wasnt a great day in sch with my head rolling off anytime my neck..i must still praise God for all these..i think i am now not so longing to have sisters and brothers around me.they dun seems to be my world anymore.thank God that i can really change this thinking which makes me make a decision so fast.not so indecisive anymore.haha..thank God..i have been wondering..i think that i am getting along with my classmates now..can see that the class is so much more bonded now..haha..a good sign..and ya..i seems to be part of the Home for Disabled cause i dunno why that i miraculously communicated very well with the people there..after going there.i think that hey actually it wasnt a bad thing to be disabled.when i saw them.though they are grown ups..but they are like kids..so innocent and so pure to things around them.God.i thank You for letting me go to the place.to be truthful..i think i found happiness there..haha..not a bad thing afterall(:
and this is to whom it may concern.you will know if i am talking to you.
sorry but i think that i still cannot take up this position or maybe i am not even suited to do things like this.haha..sorry sis..i think that i wont give it a try..haha..ya..so i wont be attending the meeting this sat..sorry..i dun even think that i have this kind of capability to do things like this.so ya.sorry once again..and to the new people.hey..do a great job and strive hard for a better Sunshine.you know what i mean.
God i pray that You look after the cell..use Your mighty hands to cover the cell.let Your spirit filled every members of the cell..let not the devils near anyone from the cell..let the cell grow..grow into something big and that it will glorify Your mighty name.Your precious blood overflows into their hearts.oh Lord..let the heavenly peace from You be filled into them.please look after the cell Lord.i pray all this in Jesus most Precious name,Amen
Tuesday 19 August 2008 15:21
'Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritually, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure;vthen peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.' ~James 3:13-18
i came to know of these verses through a brother's sharing.i was in the soundroom yesterday sharing some problems with him when he shared these verses with me..i dont know why went he read these verses..tears started filling my eyes..i was really touched by these verses..in verse 15,the word wisdom is being 'highlighted'..this brother's sharing with me about this "wisdom" word appearing in such a way really made me though of a lot of things..we as humans always wanted the wrong wisdom..the WRONG WISDOM..ya..wisdom is really something that God gave it to us and something that people cant take it away..we should the more treasure it right?it really made me think of a lot of things..relationships,friendships,a lot more..i think i had been putting in the wrong wisdom for such a long time..it's time for a change..a heavenly wisdom..which is really now my goal..something pure and peace-loving..that's what we guys should be wanting instead of the "wisdom" that we been having..ya..that's what i think of yesterday..and ya..God loves me so much..more than anything..so the more i shoudnt do things that displease God..i really want to feel the God presence again..to be someone worth the title of a christian..the high sensitivity to God..the one who will influence others in a good way that pleases God..ya..i can do it..God You forgive me of all my sins and i will be a new person in You..focus more on You as i think i had been focusing a lot on people around me..especially those who has great influence on me..ya..nonono..God is more important..was comforted by the brothers/sisters being there for me yesterday..thanks.and ya..a brother saw me drying my tears in the soundroom then he came in and gave me a hug..ok..that really touches me..it seems to be from God and it filled up the empty spaces in my heart for that very moment..thanks..was really happy yesterday lah..after letting out my feelings..and someone funny keep asking me to cheer up..lols..haha..then one sis is like you ok mah..you ok mah..haha..God is really good to send these people to me when i need help everytime..thanks You God!
was sunmei jie's birthday yesterday..so sorry to her..her birthday yet she still like cared so much for me when she could have fun outside with the others..ok..was an invited guest to her mini celebration in church..haha..and the cool part is..fancy her having two cakes both from emicakes..haha so nice..coincidence..haha..then after that was stoning in church till dance end..ok..played citadel in between..i won..haha..first time sia..anyhow play also win..want to buy a set of citadel now..haha..nice game..ok..after that went to suntec with a few of my friends..michelle, shuiting, etc...had a great time eating..haha.."EATING BEATS EVERYTHING"..a 'motto' shared by a lot of people i know..haha..and went to catch a movie..Journey to the Center of the Earth..ok.. a nice movie which i had already watched it once..so same old thing..slept halfway during the movie..a waste of money..after the show already quite late le..went to shuiting's house there got pasar malam..to buy food..haha..then went home..on the way talked a lot with michelle..haha..and also bought something for jie..michelle and me like siao in the bus..keep updating one another on the table tennis match..i think the person in front of us is on the verge of going crazy..haha..
today was a dumbo day..ok..something really funny happened..during Bio SPA lesson..Jasmine did something that no one will ever think of..cause we were supposed to boil some water in a beaker..but to pace up things..we always get some hot water from a big thermo flask..then we will place the beaker into a small plastic container then it will be easier for us to bring it back to our desk..then this funny friend of mind..dont know what she was thinking..put the whole thing on the tripod stand..then just light the bunsen burner and "boil" the water..ok..she did not notice it until someone told her..lols..wah..she really is the 3D..lols..then teacher like scold scold scold..lols..but was really funny..then after school walked to whitesands with clar and both of us had this craze over donuts and we decided to buy donuts..waste money..i must say that the donuts are quite nice..but not the best..haha..
it has been a month...
Tuesday 12 August 2008 13:12
today was a good day..ya..a REAL happy moment?ya..ok..it should started with yesterday..hui2 jie returned..2tings and me did some food for her..ya..then we played prank on her..ok..a very sad prank whereas i acted that i am very sad..crying by the beach..blah blah blah..i mean it is a prank by i really felt like crying..so much..though it was just acting..but i was really touched by how she was concerned about me..ok..then i dunno why..i think that ya..maybe should not be too close with the girls..and i am sort of sadden lah..dead for second time?ok..let's not talk about unhappy things..some happy things worth remembering..so today went to keith ge's hse in the morning for the collection thing..etc..still thought that i was late..then in the end..all still in bed..zzz..but i dun blame them..so late then sleep..lols..ok..but after i went then liyao arrived not long ago then everyone started chionging with a bit of slacking..dunno how to say..in between...i listened to the song 'ye he hua cao jin shang xin de ren' then i cried..kept thinking about being dead for the second time and ya..alot of things lah..but wasn't found out..thank God..ok..then went out and everything went smoothly..with jokes..etc in between...so ya..was sad lah..only when one of them asked 'weicong..who you like?'which i emo a bit lah..i admit that i still cannot forget her..ya..but other then that..everything was nice..actually need to stay in church to paste tins de..for flag days..but in the end..went out with those big brothers to buy some stuff..using excuses like oh..'weicong need to learn how to handle pa after the army guys leave'lols....haha..i like this kind of sessions..sort of guys talk?it was real good lah..looking forward to these kind of sessions..haha..ya..oh..i found out that i can carry HEAVY "things"..haha..firstly is zeming..secondly..keith..but if keith+zeming=die..haha..nothing to be proud of but i so weak..so is already a wow..hmm..inspired by them when they talked about sports?lols..so into sports now..sort of 'into'..oh ya..another good news..GOT A NEW TEACHER!francis..he told me he going to give me vocal training after i finished my drum lessons..hahahahahahahha..seem to be nearing my dreams!
Monday 4 August 2008 15:41
today woke up at 7.30 then prepared fruits for the fruitty weekend day 3..haiz..prepared 9 fruits in total..then is like already 8.50 le..damm late..then ya..ask mum to drive me to church..then she crap lah..go wake my father up then he take his own sweet time in the whole world like no one's business..is like ..I AM LATE WHY NEED TO WAKE HIM UP?ok..nvm..sort of pissed by him but cooled..then go church..everything's fine..ok..in between emoing then went to staircase to think about things.then ok le..then listen to the sermon..but like till the end..传道 was like.."我们在这位姐妹回天家前去探望她"..something liddat..is like wth lah..say till like what sia..but i wish to visit this auntie in my church..her motherly look has left a deep impression in my heart though i only see her one time..though she cannot really walk..but is like can see the passion she has for Christ..greater than some of us..but she went for operation then ya..hospitalized..God..You really help her Yourself in Your own wonderful ways..let her feel Your spiritual presence..and help her overcome the obstacle she has in mind..in Jesus most precious name i pray.Amen.ok..went out with shuiting,michelle,shuilin and jin hao..went suntec and shop around..was great.have quite a good time with them doing some window shopping and food...was quie a good bonding time lah..ya..and now..biggest dream is just in front of me..pray for me..i think is crucial..it is maybe the turning point of my life..and also thank God that i suggested something for cell outing and was taken into consideration..thank God that i felt that i am still being "noticed" as a human.
Sunday 3 August 2008 15:37
today was a day that i think is better then others lah..this bit of better..ok when to buy fruits in the morning..cause now every weekend is the P.C. company fruitty weekend..ya..maybe i am doing all this to distract my own thinking?maybe.then cut alot of fruits at home then bring church..to share with the 2 tings..brought like 7 kinds of fruits there?ya..that's my lunch..then ok..i dunno why started getting pissed because my friend was late for worship prac..it was just a minor thing but i dunno why pissed..then ok..tried my best to cool down..but after that cannot find song sheets then pissed off again..then someone still joke with me.damm pissed lah..then words..blah blah blah..had good fellowship with those guys just now..then stay at ziting's hse then reached home at about 10..3 weeks had passed..but i know it clearly that i still cannot forget her..i cannot get her off my mind..how i wish that i never did that 3 weeks ago..maybe this wouldnt have happened..but what can i say now?nothing..haiz..i am really stressed by all these..ya laughed alot just now..but izzit from my heart?i dun think so..i really cannot be happy now..ya..i appeared to be but am i?i really wish to not go _ _ _ _ _ _ but i cannot..things are not going the way i want..i can say nothing now but can anyone please be my mentor to look after this useless piece of junk?
Friday 1 August 2008 15:53
commendation day just now in school as i think is like i really put my whole heart into NP just reached home..hmm..God..what is going on with my life?i looked forward to the CCAle cause going to be road marshals for the day.ok..i am really becoming a good actor day by day..today appeared to be happy but i am not..ok..for NP..which totally freak me out..asked a junior to do something and she has the cheek to tell me that "jian jun sir never ask me to do"..wth..so what if i dun have the rank as high as jian jun?i am still a senior to you..then after that..another junior like really freak ppl out also..why are the sec 2 cadets like this?anywae..then because of some matter..i just walked out of the school..ya..i think should be because that i am already having alot of problems..then ya..i really could not take it just now..anyway..sorry yu cheng..if you happen to see my post..then went to meet my 2 friends..maybe wont be so close after today..ok..then went to one of their house..ok..ya..some shocking news..ok..was freaked out that this kind of people exist in this world..dunno lah..then something happened lah..ok..once more.. i had this thought again that i am transparent again..ya..i prayed for one of my friend..ya..i know i am very thick skinned..i know i cant but i still do it..i am really useless..knowing that i could not but still do it..silly right?ya..i think i have been living like this for so long le..just continue living this way..i have been lying to my own life for so long..when people are in the valley..people just leave you to die..who can really be trusted in this world?the wonderful brother that i yearn for?a close buddy who stays with me when i need he/she?no one?ya..there is..but not for me..how i wish is me..but do i even have this position to talk about friends?i dun think so..i am just a useless piece of junk that everyone hated..it is useless..nothing can change the fact now that i am already dead..dead from all this..i think i no longer have feelings..i am insensitive to people's feelings now..ya..i am so emotional every now and then..i am dead..my heart is dead..i am dead to the world,the surrounding,studies,friends..pointless to have a billion of listening ears now..when i needed you guys the most..where were you?i dunno where you were but i knew clearly that is not in my sight..you will only see people coming to you when you are in an awful state..but not a single person around when you needed them the most..to solve problems for you..ok..maybe it is only to me..cause i am useless..i deserve this kind of treatment by people around me..i am just hopeless now..nothing can change the fact.and i must apologize to people that i hurt alot..sorry jies...especially to st jie..sorry..please understand me..you will come to know it one day.
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