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Thursday, 31 July 2008 12:13 just finish reading my friend's blog...why is life so unfair when one side is living happily and another side not?why?a lot of why but there is no solutions..i hate it..for the past week, i think i was just a living skeleton..my heart seems to die and everything doesn't really concern me now..i have been dead from the 19th july and i think will be dead forever till my life is being lighted up again..i have been giving everything that kind of heck care attitude..to everything..studies,people,everything..i mean i know that these people doesn't earn this kind of fcuking attitude from me..but i dunno why i am just irritated at the slightest thing every now and then.i really think that i am now a very fcuking person who only deserve to just die off with no one's concern.it is really very difficult to put a big grin on my face when i am not happy at all..why?why izzit that i need to lead such a life as in to put on a smile when i am not even happy?i am disappointed with nothing now but myself.i hate myself to the core.i want God's presence..i really cannot feel Him..i feel that i am just a christian in vain.just a title of a christian but not having a christian life..i wish to talk to God.but i can't.i dunno why.seems like i have lost interest in everything around me.i am dead.ya i am not but my heart is..harden.but who really understand?no one..who will understand what i feel?maybe just telling me to chill,relax,or anything..forget the past?is it so easy?i really cannot do it..it is easier said that done..but who can help me?no one?not even a single person is of help to me now.i knew nothing now but to piss others off with my fcuking attitude.i flunk my studies..i cant do anything corectly..i want peace in you.and in _ _ _ _ _ _...i just look as if i am transparent..how i wish i can dun attend..i really hate it..i hate to go _ _ _ _ _ _..i dun want my life to be like this..ya..i wish that God can sent me a mentor to overlook my life..but who?no one?people that i have looked for?no..they arent caring about me so much?and i dunno how to talk to people that i am not close about my problems.but who understand?no one will ever..how i wish this mentor can appear in front of me..to lead me back into the path of God..but is it so easy to look for one?the answer is no..i know nothing but to piss people off..nothing else..i am really tired..not physically..but mentally and spiritually..i am really tired..i wish to think of nothing now.. |
