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Friday, 1 August 2008 15:53 commendation day just now in school as i think is like i really put my whole heart into NP just reached home..hmm..God..what is going on with my life?i looked forward to the CCAle cause going to be road marshals for the day.ok..i am really becoming a good actor day by day..today appeared to be happy but i am not..ok..for NP..which totally freak me out..asked a junior to do something and she has the cheek to tell me that "jian jun sir never ask me to do"..wth..so what if i dun have the rank as high as jian jun?i am still a senior to you..then after that..another junior like really freak ppl out also..why are the sec 2 cadets like this?anywae..then because of some matter..i just walked out of the school..ya..i think should be because that i am already having alot of problems..then ya..i really could not take it just now..anyway..sorry yu cheng..if you happen to see my post..then went to meet my 2 friends..maybe wont be so close after today..ok..then went to one of their house..ok..ya..some shocking news..ok..was freaked out that this kind of people exist in this world..dunno lah..then something happened lah..ok..once more.. i had this thought again that i am transparent again..ya..i prayed for one of my friend..ya..i know i am very thick skinned..i know i cant but i still do it..i am really useless..knowing that i could not but still do it..silly right?ya..i think i have been living like this for so long le..just continue living this way..i have been lying to my own life for so long..when people are in the valley..people just leave you to die..who can really be trusted in this world?the wonderful brother that i yearn for?a close buddy who stays with me when i need he/she?no one?ya..there is..but not for me..how i wish is me..but do i even have this position to talk about friends?i dun think so..i am just a useless piece of junk that everyone hated..it is useless..nothing can change the fact now that i am already dead..dead from all this..i think i no longer have feelings..i am insensitive to people's feelings now..ya..i am so emotional every now and then..i am dead..my heart is dead..i am dead to the world,the surrounding,studies,friends..pointless to have a billion of listening ears now..when i needed you guys the most..where were you?i dunno where you were but i knew clearly that is not in my sight..you will only see people coming to you when you are in an awful state..but not a single person around when you needed them the most..to solve problems for you..ok..maybe it is only to me..cause i am useless..i deserve this kind of treatment by people around me..i am just hopeless now..nothing can change the fact.and i must apologize to people that i hurt alot..sorry jies...especially to st jie..sorry..please understand me..you will come to know it one day. |
