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Tuesday, 21 October 2008 02:33 hmm...reached home about 1.5 hours ago..after 3 hours of non-stop tuition at hui2 jie's hse..first time so hardworking..hahaha..thank God for that..yesterday wasn't a really good day lah..dunno why that after hearing what my sis say..tears circled my eyes..really wished to cried out but managed to control my tears eventually..haiz..was thinking so much at that time..who can really understand my feeling?i feel so hopeless at that point of time..really hopeless..i wanted to find someone to talk about things but i feel that no one is there for me..ya..everyone will try to ask me to talk to God..i did..but i still need someone for me to talk to..just that no one seems to be there for me..sad..flying off in 2 days..been thinking alot..so hope that someone will be there to send me off..other than my parents..but ya..i know is just my wishful thinking..haha..kept thinking that i won't return from this trip..ya..maybe will..returning in a coffin or a urn..hahaha..i mean i dun really feel much abt dying now?after what has happened?i remembered saying that my dearest friends/"family" are sort of my engine for living..ok..God is the petrol there to keep it going but they are the engines to let it move..without any one of them and i sort of cannot carry on..ya..my engines are changed..thank God for that..but really felt that no one is really there for me when they are there..hahaha..hope to build my friendship and "familyship" with my brothers and sisters if i can return back to singapore safely..hahaha..if i die..i will definitely remember you guys..maybe asking God to love you guys more..hahahahhahahahaahaha..as if i can reach God...life seems meaningless to me every now and then..ya..i want to live a fruitful life..God in You..You are always good..haiz..but still got things to thank God abt..like yesterday..was really tired after toning night but i really very tired.i know i will definitely sleep during sermon..i really thank God cause i was telling Him that i want to praise Him with all my might and all i have..i really worship with an open heart yesterday..and right after the worship..i really felt refreshed..but whole sermon was more of waking people up..haha..my brother beside me keep dozing off..cannot stand it..agreed to cannot sleep during sermon then he still there nodding head..wha lao...lols..learnt alot yesterday in the sermon..ya..we must try to be the most perfect in God..then yesterday night this brother stayed in church till so late to sort of accompany me?despite being tired..haha..maybe not but it definitely is encouraging to me(: ~still loving and waiting to have a chance to talk to her |
